I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will be naked everywhere
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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