I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize