hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
