well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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