He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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