we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
