Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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