and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
