My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
