i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
