I just saw a hot homeless man
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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