He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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