Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
