I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
