billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i believe in u and ur pee
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