Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
