Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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