The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
