Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
