well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
