you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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