I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
