hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
