Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
