I just threw up on my dentist
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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