We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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