watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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