you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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