then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
