Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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