You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
