I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
