So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
