Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
