Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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