so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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