It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
