Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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