a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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