why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
