Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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