oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am naked and annoyed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
