I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we're making bets on your personal life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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