i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
