it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
