I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
