Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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