and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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