the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
