I cut my penus on the lid.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
