Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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