i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I came so hard my ears popped.
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