Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize