Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
