I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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