Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
