My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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