Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
