I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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