you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
