There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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