I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
