If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
