the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize