I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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