I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
