operation harelip BJ is a go
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize