he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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