There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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