we're making bets on your personal life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
