She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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