i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
