last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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